3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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