wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
