Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I love you. Go after that dick
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
