Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
