Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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