Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
