I'm so fucking centered right now
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
