Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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