Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I need water and some morals
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
