Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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