it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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