you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
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I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
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He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize