I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
