Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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