What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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