every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
