i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
