found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
