If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
