They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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