i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
how drunk are you?
Several
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
