You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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