the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
