I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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