And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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