she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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