He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Who died my cat blue again?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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