My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
