Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
