toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Randomize
