i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He passed out mid-signature
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
