The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
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since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
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Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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