I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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