I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
