you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
