I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
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