As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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