This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
