You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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