I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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