Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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