all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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