so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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