I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
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his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
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I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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