so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
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After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
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Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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