Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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