He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
