Are we in a gay sports bar?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
