she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Randomize
