haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
That accounts for only three of the penises
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
