Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Randomize
