I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
