I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
