I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
