just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I wear drunk well.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
