Plan B is the new Plan A
Non-Jews are for practice
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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