I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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