dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
