I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
