thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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