Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
