ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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