I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
