; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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