Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
