she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He did a backflip because drugs
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
