ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
