Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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