I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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