Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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