Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
