Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
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