I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I had to cum in my sink.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
