Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
