I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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