i think my tv is drunk
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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