I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
