moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I am mentally ready for anal.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
