it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
